Has it always been so?

I'm a little disappointed. Perhaps at the world, perhaps at the people around me. Perhaps in the past I've been so used to surrounding myself with decent people and now I'm finally noticing that I've been beginning to let my standards slip.

But since when has it been ok to replace a simple "thanks, but no thanks" with complete silence? What happened to manners? How is that adults cannot bring themselves to open their mouth and have a conversation with someone, even if that conversation might perhaps be a little awkward?

How is that two people can share intimate moments with each other, and then one of them simply ignore the other person, or ignore what happened?

What's wrong with a simple "thanks, but no thanks"? How is that we've turned into such cold bastards that our own self-preservation of avoiding a possibly awkward conversation takes precedence over thinking about the other person for even a moment?

It's disappointing. People can be so selfish.

Horoscope for May

Free now from the family burden, you are none the less feeling overwhelmed. It could be work or academia, which will be particularly taxing for Aquarians this month. Projects pile up, and authority figures can be unreasonably demanding. Don't let them intimidate you. You are a highly capable individual who will get the work done as quickly as a human can. Will there be any leftover time for your personal life? Absolutely not. Your romance may also suffer. I can only advise you to remove your heart from your sleeve and tuck it into your breast pocket. Let it rest. While it's in repose, take an inventory of the space inside that heart, and record the order of the occupants. With so many lovers and so little time to give to each of them, this might be a good time to downsize. Are you nurturing any old flames? Perhaps it's time to put those people to rest as well. Maybe you are still committing time to friendships that have lost their meaning as well. Now is the time to withdraw a bit. Lower other people's expectations of you so you can choose more intelligently to whom it is exactly you want to offer your time and affection. Be ruthless eliminating dead wood so you can be more devoted to those who really count. You will see. You'll feel stronger emotionally, and your relationships will be substantially more solid.

The Chance to Sing...

We're like birds
who are perched
on the limbs
of a tree.
When the time is right
we simply fly away.
Then other birds come
and take our places.
But they
won't stay.
We come, we go
it was always so
and so
it will always be.
We're like a flock of birds
moving endlessly.
But listen to me
I want you to know
the most important thing.
Before the time
when we must fly away
we have the chance to sing.
Don't miss the chance to sing.

RIP Bea Arthur.

(Spotify link: Bea Arthur – The Chance To Sing)

Dilemma

I'm finding that finding a flat in Aberdeen is turning out to be harder than I thought. For a number of reasons.  Firstly, I'm working in Dyce. The only reason I moved to Aberdeen was for this job, so I figure I might as well get a flat that's handy to Dyce; on the bus route, the train route, or within walking distance.  That limits my choices right there.

Secondly, and I hate very much to admit it, is the cats. Trying to find a flat, with the above criteria, that also have ground-floor access, preferably main-door, and even more preferably a cat-flap, is next to impossible.

I've also not had a permanent wage in the UK before, so I don't really have much of an idea of how much budget I've got.  Some of the places I've found are either far too small, too far away, or too expensive.

I'm staying in a house owned by the company at the moment. It's quite nice, and 10 minutes walk to work.  I don't have to leave - if I want to stay on beyond perhaps the first month all I have to pay is £350 a month, which includes all utility bills, internet, etc.  Sure, I'd either have a fairly small room and my gear would probably have to remain in boxes, or I could ask for one of the larger rooms and possibly store some of my stuff in there, get some books out, get the PC out, things like that.

The trouble is, the company house won't allow me to have the cats here.  They're in a fairly expensive cattery a couple of miles away. They're there temporarily whilst I find (or not find, it seems) a flat of mine.

Or I could find a flat in the centre of town, above the ground, which are more plentiful than flats that have ground access.  Most of them don't allow pets, and I don't want another flat where I can't let the cats out anyway.

So...

Maybe I should re-home Fergus & Portia :(

Interviews, interviews and more bloody interviews...

Job hunting is so much harder when you don't have a job.  There's a desperation about the whole process, and something at the back of your mind telling you to take the first offer, even if it's not the best job you're going for.

I'm finding the whole process so much more frustrating this time around.  Normally I go for one contract, interview, get it, and take it.  Now I'm having to really work hard at getting interviews, and I've already been turned down at one interview.  Yes, I've had a few more interviews since then (three so far, another two maybe four next week), but the process is still quite frustrating.

None of these jobs are contracts - well, a couple are but none of the interviews so far.  So yeah, that's the first frustrating thing.  Secondly, with the "financial crisis" or "credit crunch" or just this damn recession, companies aren't hiring, which is making the recruiters get all bloody antsy.  They're being secretive about company names, they hate when you go for an interview through another recruiter; they ask you ever so subtly but still with a trace of a jealous partner "so who's that through?"  I just don't want any part of their games - I've taken to answering "not sure, can't keep track" each time I suspect inter-recruiter jealousy.  Which is, oh, every second I'm actually on the phone with a recruiter.  And I'm on the phone all day every day with these guys.

So yeah, apart from the interview back with bigmouthmedia (subject of a previous blog), I interviewed with a company up in Aberdeen on Wednesday this week, came back down to Edinburgh for an interview in Dunfermline on Thursday morning, and another in Livingston on Thursday afternoon.  I have another interview on Monday, another one on Wednesday (Edinburgh and Livingston, respectively), and then probably another two in Aberdeen hopefully both on Tuesday.

So far, I think the first Aberdeen job is winning.  Yes, it's in Aberdeen, but I think the job offers many more possibilities, which I can't be bothered going into right now.  I just figure if I'm going to take the step from contracting into permanency, then I'd better be sure I'm going to enjoy the job.  The Dunfermline job is coming second I think - they're doing some interesting work, including a business idea I had myself about ten years ago that I never put into action, so at least it's something I'd be passionate about.

So here I am, considering the possibility of a move to Aberdeen, for a permanent job.  I had been quite apprehensive about it, but I think I'm actually warming to the idea.  I've been in Edinburgh for just over two and a half years; I always maintain I like moving and trying out new cities, cultures, so why not a move to Aberdeen?  I know a couple of people up there, in fact Pad was kind enough to catch up with me after my interview on Wednesday and we had a good chat, talked about the city, that kind of thing.  Was good to see him again and I'd certainly like to see more of him, something I don't really get to do much down here in Edinburgh.

The more I think about it, the less apprehensive I am.  I think.  I hadn't really looked forward to leaving Edinburgh, but the more I think about the possibility of a new city, it's just that - the new possibilities.  I'll miss my friends down here, but they'll only be two hours away, as will my friends in Glasgow.  And well, who couldn't do with a fresh start every so often, eh?  In a way this town is infused with the memories of a recent ex; a little space might do the both of us good.

But who knows - it's just one interview in Aberdeen thus far, and no distinct feedback from the company.  From any of the three companies - they may well go the way of bigmouthmedia and pass me over for someone a little less.. complex.  I'm hoping that something eventuates from the five/maybe seven interviews over these two weeks.  Whether I'm here, Glasgow, or Aberdeen, it's got to be better than returning to Australia with my tail between my legs.

Would I move to Aberdeen?  I think I would, yes.  A new start and a fresh city with no memories (good nor bad) would definitely have to be thrown in as perks of the new job.

Uncertain times

I was turned down for a job today - I had the interview nearly two weeks ago, and waited in anticipation only to find out they didn't think it was a good match.  It sounded like the end of a relationship, frankly.  Whilst they admired my skills, they didn't think they could offer me the best place to use them (it's not you, it's me).  Unlike the end of a relationship, they don't particularly owe it to me to give it to me straight, but I would have preferred a bit more specific feedback (it's not me, it's you).

So I'm back into the unknown - where will I work, live and play?  Will I find a job in Edinburgh, or Glasgow, or indeed even in Scotland?  There are a lot more jobs going down in London, that pay better, but I don't want to live down there again, and it's also harder to interview for a job down there.  Will I take a permanent position, my first in ten years, or will I remain contracting?  Will another contract job just frustrate me?  Will I again in a few months time find myself leaving, saying I didn't want to work somewhere where my best wasn't wanted?

And so in these so-called uncertain times, I find myself fully immersed in uncertainty.  (Relatively) newly single, not knowing where I'll live, with whom I'll live, or indeed whether I'll find work fast enough to stop me having to move back to Australia.

Not the best of times!